Bozo Didn't Tap
from Tip-Top Comics #146
You have to wonder how entertainment-starved they were in the '40s that "push-back games" were considered "exciting," but you have to appreciate any toy that trains your children to take out their rage on clowns. When a van full of depraved clowns tries to kidnap little Jimmy you'll want him to be prepared.
I confess that I am mystified as to how Puncho could be an "excellent wrestling partner." Surely you would want a wrestling partner to have arms and legs, to be able to fight back, and also to not explode because you put too much weight on him. But what do I know? I was a mathlete. Maybe clown wrestling is some specialized variant of the sport that I'm not aware of.
Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up
from Tip-Top Comics #202
"Happy? I guess you could say I'm happy. Sure, I may be a macrocephalic midget with fetal alcohol syndrome who smokes eight packs a day, but happiness is where you find it. You gotta take pleasures from the simple things in life. Like the lowing of cattle at night, or the death rattle of a Mexican."
Think of the stories Happy has to tell! (In your own voice, of course). Like the time on the trail when he had to disembowel his own horse with a jacknife because she threw a shoe and broke her leg. How during the war when he and Nathan Bedford Forrest served in the same unit. That time he shot a Comanche in Yuma for cutting in line at Del Taco.
Yep, good times. Happy's seen it all.
(You know he's tough. How many five year olds do you know have the balls to smoke a spliff that big in public?)