Santa Met A Lady

I have become aware that my brother has expressed his mild displeasure with the thoughtful holiday mixtape that I put together this year. You spend hours carefully assembling a well-thoughout holiday mix, and I guess this is the thanks you get. Here's the track listing, so you can decide for yourself. (Some of these songs were suggested by Musical Fruitcake though to be fair I've had a lot of the more annoying novelty songs from that site for years.)

Santa Met a Lady cover art

  1. Eddie Lawrence, "The Merry Old Philosopher" #1
  2. Barry Gordon, "Zoomah the Santa Claus from Mars"
  3. Elvis Presley, "Santa Claus is Back in Town"
  4. Everclear, "Santa Baby"
  5. Patsy Raye and the Beatniks, "Beatnik's Wish"
  6. Kay Martin & Her Body Guards, "Come On Santa, Let's Have a Ball"
  7. Bon Jovi, "Back Door Santa"
  8. Barnes & Barnes, "I Had Sex With Santa"
  9. Dance Hall Crashers, "I Did It for the Toys"
  10. Sarah Silverman, "Give the Jew Girl Toys"
  11. Insane Clown Posse, "Santa's a Fat Bitch"
  12. Lock, Shock & Barrel, "Kidnap the Sandy Claws"
  13. The Western Caravan featuring Thirsty Dave, "Psycho"
  14. Eddie Lawrence, "The Merry Old Philosopher" #2
  15. The Ramones, "Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)"
  16. Gary Hoey, "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"
  17. Los Straitjackets, "The Christmas Song"
  18. John Denver & Rowlf the Dog, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
  19. The Tempatations, "Someday at Christmas"
  20. Eric Cartman, "O Holy Night"
  21. Copeland, "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
  22. Richard Cheese, "Silent Night"
  23. The Butties, "Joy to the World"
  24. Tripod, "I Was the Only Shepherd"
  25. Stan Kenton, "We Three Kings of Orient Are"
  26. Bing Crosby, "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day"
  27. Eddie Lawrence, "The Merry Old Philosopher" #3

That's not so bad, is it? Seventy minutes of listening pleasure. It's even got some swell cover art, so you can quickly glance at it and say "God, no way am I listening to that again" and dig out a different CD.

So, Chris. Don't like the mix? Well, the way to get back is to get even, my friend. Make a mix that foists your musical tastes on me. I dare you. And I dirty double-dog dare you not to put your face on the cover.

Gender Equality

While the subject is fresh in your mind, why are there a million songs where horny girl wants to sex up Santa, but no songs where a horny guy wants to sex up Mrs. Claus? I mean, she's not my idea of a GILF either, but come on - the old workaholic coops her up at a secluded location 364 days of the year and then leaves her completely alone on the 365th. She's gotta have all sort of pent up perversions she needs to let out. I'm thinking it's probably a 24 hour marathon of elf-and-reindeer debauchery.

Comments (2)

  • Chris (12/22/2008)

    Sir, in no way did I mean for "foist" to imply any displeasure on my part. I have enjoyed listening to your compilation CDs repeatedly, their disturbing sexual undertones aside. As to your final note, I think if we wrote a song about bagging Mrs. Claus we could maybe get No. 1 on the UK Christmas charts. Let's plan on it for next year.

  • Dave White (12/23/2008)

    I didn't think you did - my mock indignation is an attempt to make a boring post about my Christmas CD more interesting. But let's get together sometime in July so we can start working on "Mrs. Claus (Rocked My Balls)."

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